Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
