Umm I'm too high to move.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
