Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
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