We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
