I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
