I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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