I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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