New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
