Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
