and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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