i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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