I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
