you guys were way drunker than both of me
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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