shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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