i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Help me help you realize you are a moron
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
