dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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