i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
