Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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