Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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