I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
