i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
