Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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