he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize