Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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