I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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