I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
i now understand why vodka
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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