I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You made out with two different species that night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
