Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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