Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
