you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
