OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
