xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The air was thick with penises
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
