Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
