apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
