we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
