In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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