Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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