If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
