I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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