just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm passing your future prison.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
