Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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