All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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