The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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