C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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