I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
