So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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