i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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