Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
