Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
