drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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