I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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