I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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