My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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