the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
