the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
