he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
