Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
