I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize