So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
