My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
