none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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