Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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