I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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