weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
