Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize