Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
