it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
