A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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