i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
