did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize