did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
