Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
