38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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