we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
