i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
ok first of all what the fuck
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
